Texas Chainsaw 3D - Sh*t Reviews #2

And so I thank you brother. Thank you for letting me borrow your Netflix account. And I thank Netflix for letting me watch a film that disrespects a horror icon without paying $13. Gotta love Netflix.

 

PLOT: A young woman travels to Texas to collect an inheritance; little does she know that an encounter with a chainsaw-wielding killer is part of the reward.

Again, like my previous review, what made me watch this was a commentary track from one of my favorite Youtube shows. Had that commentary track not exist, I wouldn't be reviewing this. Ever. But hey, gotta love laughing my ass off with this film.

 

Taking place immediately after the original, the opening sequence was actually the only decent thing for this film, but in the end, viewers end up in a trap. This is one of those movies where it starts off good and ends up sucking horribly. Man, such bad CG blood. Seriously, the CGI in this film is god awful. The acting is done by people who look like they belong in the adult industry and they do a terrific job portraying their stereotypical horror characters: The stoner, the slut, the brave guy, and the lead chick that just stands for eye candy. No acting required. Having been a fan of the original Texas Chainsaw, the "twist" in this film completely disrespects the mythology of Leatherface and is simply a copout. If only the lead read the damn letter in the first place. Still, gotta love those horror clichés. And my god, the 3D. 3D gimmicks once again. You know, it's not surprising that this film was only made to profit and sell the 3D use. This film completely abuses that and cheats people out of their money like the 3D in Saw 7 did (another bad review in the future).

As a horror fan and Leatherface fan, I was very disappointed with this film. I can never imagine the horror icon as a "anti-hero", and this film has establish that. At least it was something different. In the end, the actors, writing, fake blood CGI, and 3D won't convince you that Texas Chainsaw 3D is terrifying.

Texas Chainsaw 3D - 2/10

Spy Kids 3D - Sh*t Reviews #1

I think I'm about to start a new series of bad movie reviews. Yeah, I like to review good movies, but there are times where you really have to watch bad movies and have fun reviewing them. So this can be considered as the first entry to the Bad Movies playlist. Let's begin with Spy Kids 3D: Game Over. 

 

PLOT: Carmen's caught in a virtual reality game designed by the Kids' new nemesis, the Toymaker. It's up to Juni to save his sister, and ultimately the world.

 

I'll be honest, I enjoyed this as a kid. It's been years since I've seen this, and just recently, one of my favorite shows on Youtube reintroduced this film as their new commentary track. Of course I bought the track for $1 and I saw the film again. Now seeing this film again at a time when I know what's good or bad, I still question myself why did I enjoy this as a kid?

 

My god. Everything about this was just bad. For its time (2003), it was something new and something innovated with 3D. This was when 3D wasn't a thing. Now we live in a time where 3D and 4K and 4D aromascope are the future of movies. Should this film had been released recently, it would've been worse. The acting, the CG, the story, blaahhh!! I'll admit, there was one sequence I did enjoy (the mega race scene), but other than that, I was watching nothing but cheesy clichés, dialogue, and cheesy writing. And the cameos this film offers is hysterical. Still, I enjoyed Sylvester Stallone's crazy anticlimactic character: The Toymaker. That was the only good thing about the film to say the least.

With its 3D gimmicks, bad acting, and cheesy storytelling, Spy Kids 3 was nothing compared to the first two. Watching it with the commentary track wasn't a total waste. I had much more fun laughing at it than with it.


Spy Kids 3D: Game Over - 4/10